One of the gems of our neighborhood is Sunnycrest Park. There are very few urban parks in this country where you can both golf in the summer and ski in the winter, but Sunnycrest is one of them. It is a facility for residents, non-residents, students who attend school nearby, anyone. It has the dedicated people of the Sunnycrest Park Association watching over it and working hard to make it the joy that it is.
But something has happened there that could sully its reputation if we don’t respond quickly and appropriately. A crime has been committed. A fellow enjoying a solitary round of golf was taunted and then attacked by teenagers. He was hit on the head with a golf flag and required three staples to close the wound. He said he would probably never return.
And that is our loss. One golfer from Cortland means an awful lot to us just now.
The easy – and lazy – response is fear. It takes no thought, no plan, no cognitive effort to react with fear. Goodness knows, we are taught by the media, the politicians, the drug companies, to simply react with fear. But I’d like to propose a different reaction: compassion.
Now I’m no bleeding heart! I feel that a pragmatic response is the best one, but let’s define our goals first. Most of us would like to live in harmony with our neighbors, including the young people who did something that was very, very wrong and will not be tolerated here. So how do we create that harmony? How do we show compassion in the face of violence?
Communication: to the golfer, to the kids, to the parents of those kids, and to the public in general. And what might our message be? I’ll start with some ideas, but would love to hear some more in the comments here.
1. Mr. Pendergast (the golfer), I would like you to come back to Eastwood. I would like, personally, to buy you a cup of some of the finest coffee in the Northeast, right here in Eastwood. I’d like to know more about how you’re feeling about what happened the other day. But mostly I’d like you to know that Eastwood is overwhelmingly very nice people.
2. Kids… Wow, did you mess up! You probably know that. You may be confused about how it went that far. But you must also know that when you do stuff, good or bad, the world eventually deals out logical consequences. What goes around will come around. But your story must be a lot more complicated than just one stupid act in our park. I’d like to ask you a bunch of questions. I’d like to tell you how I feel about everyone, including you, being able to walk around Eastwood in safety. I’d like your ideas on how we can all feel safe again. Including you.
3. Parents of the kids: this must be such a hard time for you. I know… I had a really difficult kid. With the help of one federal program and a bunch of strict adults in his life, he finally got his act together. But it was exhausting raising him! I bet you know what I mean, big time. I’d like to meet with you. I’d like to think up some possible solutions to whatever it was that inspired the kids to do what they did. It’s probably tough, but I don’t believe any problem is unsolvable.
4. Eastwood neighbors: to the best of my knowledge, this was an isolated event. That golfer may have had an equal chance of getting hit by lightning, this sort of thing is so infrequent here. But let me state this clearly: in my humble opinion, this sort of thing is absolutely intolerable and we must act to prevent it happening again. My question to you: Is Eastwood worth the effort?
What are you willing to do?
Lonnie as most likely your newest Eastwood residents, not even one week old yet, let me respond by saying Eastwood is most certainly worth it.
Knowing what we have and what might be here in Eastwood is something that has kept us exctied about our move here. Knowing we can have a great cup of coffee, see a movie, eat sandwich close to home or walk to Sunnycrest is so exciting for us since we came from that kind of community in Kansas City. I think to often people sit by and let their communities crumble because they think they can’t make a difference but we most certainly can. I love the idea of sending these types of letters above. It shows the golfer that we value his enjoyment of our community and welcomes him back, it lets the kids and parents know this is not tolerated and won’t be overlooked and it is a call to our community to rise up and fight for what they have here in Eastwood.
Count me in!
We have just created a public forum in response to the need to discuss how we can prevent such an outrage from happening again. We welcome comments either in this section or at the new forum: http://walkeastwood.org/bbpress/ If you have trouble registering for the forum, contact me through the contact page in this site.
[...] going on at Sean Kirst’s blog about juvenile delinquency in Eastwood. See also this Walkable Eastwood [...]
Dear Lonnie – I am the parent of the 15 year old who was there, but did not commit the assault. I would be willing to talk to you and explain that I am tired, overwhelmed, exhausted and some times completely and totally at a lost of what to do with this child I brought into the world. However, with that being said. I am on him day n and day out. I know where he is if he isn’t “suppose” to be in school all hours of the day. I am more than embarrased by what he has done and the negativity that he has brought not only to Eastwood but to Henninger as well. I did aplogize to Mr. Pendergast on Sean Kirst’s blog and I do hope that he has read it.
What I want people to know is that Good parents can produce children who, don’t listen, have no regard for authority and who will do what they want. I have not and will not give up on my son, but as beaten down as I feel from dealing with him on a daily basis is nothing compared to the negativity on blogs. People have not walked in my shoes, people do not know what kind of parent I am or what I have done or been through. I am not asking for peoples sympathy. I just want people to understand that I know first hand that you can do everything right and still end up wronged in the end. For my son’s actions in this I am sorry, for the kid he seems to be turning out to be, I am sorry. I am not sorry for being his parent. I’ve done my part and will continue to lead him down the right path.
Angel, your comment is heartwrenching. Any parents who have had a kid who just keeps making mistakes, who is exhausting and a serious trial… they all understand what you’re going through. It is entirely possible for really good parents to nevertheless end up with a really challenging kid. Parents are up against a lot of outside influences, many of which are just no good. Thank you so much for writing. I’d like to know, from you and others reading this, what Eastwood might do to be more supportive of kids and their parents. It takes a village to raise a child. I’m hoping our “village within the city” can come up with a response to the needs of beleaguered parents like you.